SATIRE

How You Can Use The Internet To Boost Your Career In The Age of Post-Woke Capitalism

In A Rekt 2020 Economy, there is no shame in making coin

BY: JONATHAN LEONG
HEAD OF CONTENT

2nd Sep 2020

We’re going to be honest, this whole article is a thin guise to sell more t-shirts.

Which is kind of in-line with the general ethos of this article.

Just like everyone, we’re maximizing the opportunities brought upon by the digital economy to fund our next sneaker purchase, bubble tea habit, low-key opulent Hai Di Lao steamboat sessions and carve out more coin so buying that 20 piece chicken nugget box set feels less painful.

If there is one thing we’ve learned, commenting is easier than creating. That’s how we stumbled into the business of satire in the first place, via the humble website that you are reading from now. After 10 years slogging it out in creative consulting, we’ve decided to work even ‘smarter’ rather than ‘harder’. 

Woke Capitalism used to be the domain of large corporations eager to peddle stuff to the masses of enlightened emergent and existing consumers.

Due to the democratization of media, everyone is their own media machine. In the internet age, Woke Capitalism is now available to anyone.

Thus, there’s no excuse not to carve out a niche online for yourself – especially since the job market is getting more competitive than ever before.

In 2020’s Post-Woke world, with everyone trying to get the best end of the ‘let’s get that bread’ deal in a world going down in flames, how does one find ‘De-Lane to Success’?

Being An Enlightened New Age Leader of The Internets™ is good for both the gainfully employed and those in-between jobs. Your brain will thank you for stroking it the way you choke your chicken at 3am in the morning. And your friends and colleagues will know you’re still alive.

Because in a world where everyone is a blip on that newsfeed, it doesn’t hurt to be a little bit more entrepreneurial. Who knows? You might just get to become a thought leader and win more projects to ‘educate the masses’ or pat yourself on the back in the digital world – cause all our offline realities are often cruel AF.

Here are the 3 things you can do in the age of Post-Woke Capitalism.

1) Start A Wellness Brand

It’s a painful world out there. There’s physical pain, emotion pain and the best of them all – Existential Pain™

For every tangible first world problem (such as having to scan into the safe check in QR code) prior to shopping or dining amidst the new normal, there’s a nagging sense that there must be more to life.

There’s Woke and then there’s Wellness. We’re in the era of perpetual self-care

From hipster yoga mats, magical water stripped of free radicals, wellness summits, and courses teaching you to use numbers to crack your life’s secret code and unleash the power within – the global wellness industry is big business.

2) Become A Facebook Philosopher

The Facebook Philosopher is a master craftsman in the art of Outrage. Doesn’t matter if you sit on the left or right. What matters is you have your finger on the pulse of every hot button topic in society. Back to the key point whereby we’ve learned that commenting is easier than creating, practically anyone can engage in this intellectually stimulating digital activity.

While outrage exists and can be created online, do you need to offer solutions? Hell no.

This is because your audience doesn’t want them either. We live in the age of tribes, digital communes that reaffirm our belief system, and the lens via which we see the world. The peddlers of outrage porn via social media know very well the pot that they are stirring has no real potential for perfection in reality. They are also aware that they do not have any workable solutions. The goal is outrage. Lots of comments and generally useless online soul-sapping debate.

Need medication for your outrage?

Social media is the new millennium’s largest and cheapest therapy clinic / psychiatric ward and you, the aspiring Facebook Philosopher are the chief pharmacist.

Don’t worry, all the big brain talk on Facebook may one day give you rewards in the form of a TEDx talk, academic research grants or even…a lecturing gig.

ADVERTISEMENTS:

Coz chicken nuggests ain’t gonna pay for themselves

I survived circuit breaker and 2020 and all I got were these T-shirts:

3) Create A Twitter Persona

While technology has made it possible for everyone to become their own media machine, it is increasingly hard to build a following if one does not have any monetizable skills, looks, exceptional talent or compelling life narrative.

The fact is, most people are just not that interesting.

Let’s guess which of the following people are actually getting a good ROI on literally years of their lives spent swimming in a digital orgy stream of 280 characters:

Kanye West is another example:

In a Post-Woke world, there’s a group of savvy entrepreneurs who have risen above the normal crowd of outrage trigger happy posters. While most twitter users are just spouting opinions, these people are moving markets.

While the proponents of the early era twitter poets and online activists use the twitter stream to gain digital clout, often misunderstood ‘crazies’ such as Kanye West are monetizing (not that one needs to be making coin all the time, but seriously in an economically wacked 2020 any coin is good coin) the attention economy.

Having publicly declared himself severely broke in 2016, and even resorting to get the twitter-verse to rally behind him to get Mark Zuckerberg to invest in his ideas:

Kanye West bounced back via a combination of social media savvy, rapid stream of twitter consciousness and streetwear business hustle.

His Yeezy collection, propelled by his larger than life personality (allegedly his only official personal presence is on twitter), has put him on the Forbes business map.

As aficionados and meme commentators of ‘satirical streetwear’ ourselves, we’re amazed at how Kanye sells shoes without selling shoes.

Just like how Kanye turned his lemons in life into lemonade, we hope that instead of being a victim of the twitter orgy machine, you manage to earn some coin in this Post-Woke attention driven economy we’re living in.

If not you can always engage in some retail therapy instead: https://singaplex.com/shop

Hey, we did say that this article is…a thin guise to sell more t-shirts.

#Namaste