SATIRE

The 3 Online Side-Hustles You Can Do To Become A Thought Leader TEDx Speaker Life Coach Philanthropist

Why 2020 Is The Year of The Digital Side Hustle

BY: JONATHAN LEONG
HEAD OF CONTENT

1st Sep 2020

Let’s face it, an average life is pretty boring.

And the Delane Lim SME job interview saga has everyone talking about jobs. After all he has them in spades:

1) Thought Leader
2) Suicide Prevention Specialist (more on that below)
3) TEDxSpeaker
4) Life & Business Coach
5) Philanthrophist

Definely better than us normal folk, consigned to a life of mediocrity. #NotHungry Enough?

With all the recent hullabaloo about Job Seekers being choosy in the current pandemic (and the Job OP Delane Lim allegedly now accused by netizens of being ‘a fake saint’)…

Everybody is just trying to get the better end of the deal in a world going down in flames.

This is why 2020 is the perfect year to work on that side hustle.

Working on your side hustle might just give you the strength to rise above the noisy clutter of the current jobs .vs. job seeker debate (images for context):

Is 2020 A ZERO sum game or is there more to life?

Despite 2020 being a tough year for business and for job seekers alike, here at Team @Singaplex we refuse to believe that we have to go quietly into the night, we believe in the power of human potential. In this article, we outline some potential ‘low cost’ side-hustles you can do to make yourself slightly more interesting than the rest of us humble bread slaves.

After all, not everyone can get a gig as a safe distancing ambassador.

Here are the 3 #SideHustles you can eke out (even if you don’t have any capital) on the new wild wild west that is the internet:

1) The Facebook Comment Section Debate Champion

You open your Facebook newsfeed or IG stories stream, casually going about your day. You consider taking a picture of your breakfast, coffee or whatever it is you're eating, but shudder at its apparent imperfections…a mirror to your own reality – a messy ‘work of art’ still in progress.

You are subconsciously happy to be alive in a brand new day, without the shackles of the past as time seems to move forward into what seems to be a new reality to what your life could become.

Then it hits you.

That damn lengthy Facebook post, yet another long AF soliloquy about someone’s moment of digital namaste.

Their digital flag post screaming out in all its phallic glory on your newsfeed, yet another subconscious marker in humanity’s long aspirational ascent in the growing mountainous ecosystem of the attention economy.

Something about their story / situation compels you to participate in the comments section, as you gaze casually upon the huge amount of ‘audience engagement’ with the restrained envy of a thirsty NSF who hasn’t seen his girlfriend (or boyfriend) in days…your finger automatically reaches to begin your often inconsequential descend into a momentary digital orgy that is the Facebook Comments Section™.

Often cheaper than therapy and easier than travelling out to East Coast Park to shout at the ocean to unleash those cathartic urges that have been bottling up inside you: Livin' la Vida Loca as an undisputed Facebook Comments Section™ Debate Champion will allow you to feel that soothing feeling of progressing in life via the power of your mind as you pummel your opponents with the glee of a newly minted MMA world champion.

2) The Digital Vigilante

See a sad story? Check.

Potentially Inflammatory Angle? Check.

Facts? What Facts? Limpeh is Vengeance ok?

From youtubers commenting on other youtubers to the huge debate on ‘cancel culture’, 2020 is truly the year people got to engage in some deep #WFH activity via the power of the internet. We’re truly living in a Post-Woke world now.

When everyone is a media machine the noise reaches such a deafening point that sometimes we all gotta take a step back and take a chill pill.

We’re all contributing to the body of User Generated Content that is making the shareholders of Big Tech richer. And that might be cool…if you bought their shares early on.

If not, an online crusade against the evil forces of oppression will surely assuage any sense of inadequacy within and move the needle in your imagined reality.

The internet has given us all latent superpowers, never before has it been possible to gain traction just by the power of your fingers and thumbs.

What are you waiting for? Your City Needs YOU.

ADVERTISEMENTS:

Coz chicken nuggests ain’t gonna pay for themselves

I survived circuit breaker and 2020 and all I got were these T-shirts:

3) The ‘Sibei Cham’(very poor thing) Survivor, Business Magnate / Philanthropist / TEDx Speaker

Do you think the use of ‘relatable stories of personal struggle’ are the exclusive realm of political candidates? Think Again.

I mean NETFLIX can give this guy an original documentary about his life already:

From Luke Skywalker in Star Wars (Father chop off his hand leh) to Batman [his parents si kiao kiao (kena murdered) ok? So what if he was born Ah Siah Kia (rich boy?) no amount of Gucci or bullet proof Rick Owens style vigilante gear can cure his pain].

In the attention economy one needs a compelling Hero's Journey story arc to stand out from the crowd.

When globalization has commodified talent no matter the industry or country, your target audience desperately needs a big “WHY” to even give a damn about your existence – because guess what? Everyone is too wrapped up in their own pain and struggles.

It doesn’t matter whether you are for profit or nonprofit. 2020 is the year you need to get your ‘Sibei Cham’ Story of Triumph out, how else are you going to ride the wave of COVI19 induced sympathy?  Let’s face it your life was already the Coachella of struggle AF festivals, don’t pretend COVID19 is ‘the nail in the coffin’, your coffin was already being lowered half-way into the ground prior to 2020.

The crafting of the relatable yet low-key flexing on your neighbor Sibei Cham’ Story of Triumph (with a business angle) is the ultimate calling card of the modern company founder.

This is the ultimate “God-Tier” of internet side hustles.

It might even be your main hustle.

This breed sits high above the hustle of the ‘street-level’ Facebook Comment Section Debate Champions, IG Live Story Digital Vigilantes, Bedroom Economists, Woke Poets and Verbose Facebook Philosophers – because in their tier you might actually be making money (not that money is the be all and end all, but it does allow one to buy chicken nuggets, bubble tea or treat yourself to Hai Di Lao hotpot on a cool rainy day, proper everyday comforts for the harsh AF times we’re living in).  

The fact of the matter is, if you create a story so compelling that people stand up to notice – you can sell them something.

Marketing Guru Seth Godin calls this the “Purple Cow” theory. A way for brands or business personalities to stand out from the crowd. While it is still a very powerful methodology, it requires a certain finesse to pull off.

For the purposes of this article and as the online cadaver of the Delane Lim saga is still warm, we will use his Hero’s Journey as an illustrative template:

The Mythic Structure of Joseph Campbell's The Hero’s Journey Monomyth (Abridged version):

1. Ordinary World

Delane Lim starts a few companies and hustles hard like any hardworking, salt of the earth SME owner. Bravo.

2. Call To Adventure

He knows in a competitive environment, running some IT or #FutureReady consulting services or one of those #SchoolMotivational workshops you attended when you were a kid is not going to make him the next Steve Jobs. There must be something more than this, he needs an inspirational backstory - ideally one that is derived from the pain we all have as humans in a brutally darwinian modern society…he will rebrand all his failings, health problems and f**k-ups in life as “My Journey”.

3. Tests, Allies, Enemies

In the realm of SME business, the struggle to survive is constant, especially if one is constantly bidding for projects. Allegedly he was involved in an anti corruption probe. This puts a dent in his reputation and forces a period of self reflection and improvement.

4. Ordeal

After working tirelessly to protect his clean name, and after running the business uneventfully for some time disaster has struck again…this time in the form of a black swan event called COVID19 or #2020 is a #NoGo. This puts a strain on his business but being the ambitious leader, he has decided to keep the train going and doubles down on hiring more people to expand his empire.

5. Reward (Seizing The Sword)

Gahmen gives all SMEs a generous grant(s) so that perhaps the stronger ones will continue to employ talent and survive past the ‘old style’ SMEs in what is seen by “Experts” as a phase of “Economic Restructuring” hastened by COVID19.

6. The Road Back

He puts out a job posting on some career websites and gets applications from people eager to ‘tide over this crisis’. However, he is baffled when job seekers ask for things they would like personally and whether his company can offer those things. Delane Lim realizes that his company isn’t the only epic groundbreaking SME on the block and becomes frustrated. In a #FirstWorld nation, life is tough AF, even in a world-altering pandemic. Sian Lah, he just wants to hire some minions also so difficult sia…

7. Resurrection

He decides to put out a Facebook Post decrying all his job applicants as “not hungry” enough

8. Return With The Elixir

He unfortunately gets a reverse Elixir in the form of undying internet hate and a forum thread stretching 51pages and counting, thereby undoing all the positive SEO reputation management work he did earlier on…

Remember, even after all is said and done it’s ok to feel not enough. Just make sure you constantly pose with people perceived to be more notable than yourself, you know what, hell…find a more ‘Sibei Cham’ story than yours and make it your Facebook Profile photo:

In a world of opportunity, it’s ok to feel rejected even as an employer who has meticulously crafted your own ‘Sibei Cham’ (sad to happy hero’s journey) Story of Triumph.

Because everyone has their own ‘Sibei Cham’ (poor thing) story in 2020.

So what are you waiting for? If not now when? If not you who?

Now is the time to make use of those extra #WFH hours, as you gaze upon the warm Black Mirror of blue light you now hold in the palm of your hand, you have the power to change your reality.

Build your #SideHustle today and you might just become another #Thoughtleader #TEDx #Philantrophist #LifeCoach on Facebook.

It’s time to hustle.