SATIRE

Fading Western Media Empire CNN Labels Singapore As “Not A Country” Gets Rekt By Internet

Not sure if satire or if they’re flexing on us

BY: JONATHAN LEONG
HEAD OF CONTENT

7th OCT 2020

Dear citizens of the internet

It brings us great saddness to announce that CNN, a once revered global media empire has chosen to publish factually derogatory statements against our glorious nation, home to Sang Nila Utama and the giant Fish Beast known as the Merlion.

This display of haughty bravado from a mainstream western media conglomerate is yet another sign of imperialistic undertones that reveal their fetishization with an era where the aryan race once ruled over us poor asian coolies and kampung dwellers.

In their relenteless race to crucify their own president we have been dragged into the fray, unsuspecting victims in a larger internet conspiracy to undermine our standing as a proud and glorious peoples. A absolute utopia where we can eat at the latest shake shack while not worrying about being caught up in some riot clash between the authories and people tryin to cop some high end sneakers.

How dare CNN declare Singapore as “Not A Country”, when we are loved by the likes of controversial internet influenzas such as NAS Daily and The Critical Spectator, who have the combined internet dick swag longer than the micro-dong of the CNN writer who let this absolute travestry come to past.

As much as we Asians pride ourselves at being the only ones (with the right) to complain about our own societal inadequacies (while other well travelled people seek shelter within our safe borders LMAO), we applaud our brothers and sisters in the west for running to defend our honor:

The Disney cartoons were right, the themes of the “sacrificial white savior” are as prevaent in 2020 as they were in 1942 when the Japanese rode into Singapore and took our colonial overlords by surprise.

The internet was quick to point out the flaws in CNN’s archane and imperialistic views (hat tip to Mothership for breaking these scoops):

Here at Team Singaplex we like to look on the lighter side of life, which led us to conclude that there must be some systemic reasons why CNN has reached where they are now - a caricature of their former self. Here are:

The 3 Signs That Show CNN is a fading Western Media Empire:

1) They are desperate for advertising (from anyone)

Have you read a CNN article online only to see sponsored article thumbnails along the rough lines of stuff such as (allegedly) “How I made millions working from home” or (allegedly) “Here’s a secret celebrities are doing with their money”…only to click and be led to some website promising to help you “take advantage of the opportunity of the century”? Yea, sure…thanks CNN.

2) They love writing about conspiracy theories while getting into controversies for supressing news that matters around the world

True or false, it doesn’t really matter. CNN is peppered with so many hardcore writings about conspiracy theories that they look like an Alex Jones website. Some of these stories feature video interview subjects that look and say things that are so dumb, you think they might have been paid just to provide some sensational soundbite - or maybe some Americans really need psychiatric help. One thing for sure is - CNN has been caught with their pants down many a time:

ADVERTISEMENT breaks YO:

Coz like CNN, we’re sluts for advertising dollars and well, chicken nuggest ain’t gonna pay for themselves:

I survived circuit breaker and 2020 and all I got were these T-shirts:

3) Their own people hate them:

Just like how people love to deride our local mainstream media on how uncool they are, people in the west are no different. In fact they spend more time getting into arguments about ‘facts’ on twitter that anything else. Sadly CNN sometimes (allegedly) puts words into people’s mouths too:

CNN has become a literal parody of what a mainstream news network is, houding people and then sometimes falling on their own sword:

Conclusion: Sometimes as Al Pachino said in the movie scarface, don’t get high on your own supply.

At Team Singaplex we like to get high on memes and merch, please buy our merch so that we can avoid running fat loss ads and articles about how celebrities have found a hidden secret to making a killing in the markets or how 5G cell towers are causing coronavirus.

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