SATIRE

Maid Fantasies Gone Wrong And Other Strange Singaporean Tales of Escapism And Delight

Beyond Basic Bitch Things you can do to keep life interesting when nothing seems shocking anymore

BY: JONATHAN LEONG
HEAD OF CONTENT

15th SEPT 2020

We’re going to call it as it is, 2020 is getting boring AF.

Sure it started with a bang, people freaking out over bat soup and mostly whining about how physical escapism in the form of a traditional overseas holiday is now pretty much dead (almost).

Still we’re counting our lucky stars, despite it all this humble site you’re reading from got to sell some t-shirts.

However the point of the matter is people are getting really bored of the endless buffet of seemingly near catastrophic disasters. It’s like getting beaten so much every punch just feels like a soft caress at this point.

We’re numb inside and struggling to find a reason to live past 2020, a year where the collective dreams of humanity seem to be on pause.

Which is why we now live in the age of the spectacle.

What we want now is not some holiday or vaccine from covid19. We want to see the world burn – from the comfort of our air conditioned rooms, as we snuggle beneath the sheets rubbing ourselves with glee whenever the internet gives us a new sacrificial lamb:

The Victim / Martyr:

The Villain / Saga:

There is nothing that ties the fabric of middle class Singaporean existentialism more than the topic of Maids.

They cook, clean and manage our domestic logistics because we are too busy earning money to clean up after ourselves, victims of our own success trapped in a cycle of fixing our time warp hamster wheel with the concept of outsourcing.

Some of us are literally raised by our maids.

The fantasy of someone doing your dirty work for you and getting thrown under the bus at the slightest sign of trouble, is a tale as old as humanity’s twisted history of existence.

So is the tradition of public hangings and our delight in them.

In 2020, our hangings are now digital. We are the judge, jury and executioner. The CAG Chairman should have known better, than to use his old glory as an excuse for his son’s (alleged) misdeeds. Statements to sidestep his son’s (alleged) sins only fueled the public’s thirst for retribution.

At Singaplex, we prefer to take a lighter approach to the tapestry of life, which is why we’ve compiled some practical stuff you can do to keep life interesting in 2020.

Sometimes, beauty can be found in the mundane basic building blocks of life.

1) Support Your Neighbour

With ‘domestic tourism’ all the rage now, we wish this post was sponsored by STB (hey give our creative studio a call), so that we can stop eking out a living selling a few t-shirts every now and then.

However, if we’re being serious…shopping and consuming locally is one useful way we can all help each other out as the world economy goes down in flames.

Make no mistake, this isn’t some steep rollercoaster drop. This is something much worse - a slow horror movie played out over months and maybe even years.

You don’t need experts to tell you that the cascading COVID19 economic fallout is going to be like sitting in a slow burning room.

When the fire is burning, if we all drop a little water within our own fields, just maybe we’ll see less of a lost generation in the future than in instances in the past.

2) Bootstrap A Side Business

We built this humble business just prior to COVID19. We’re small creatures in the big bad world, fighting for our own piece of the sky.  

Sometimes it pays to be nimble and we hate to use the cliché “create a side hustle”, but in a world of uncertain employment, mass layoffs and dream careers turning to ash. It’s better to be proactive than reactive.

It might hurt like a bitch at first, but building a small side shelter is great for when that hurricane comes in like a wrecking ball. Definitely better than beating your metaphorical meat to the pulse of internet outrage.  

While the world is grabbing their popcorn in anticipation of the next spectacle of public humiliation, natural disaster or strange AF news story, rest in the chill comfort that you are scraping your way out towards some semblance of a better financial future.

There is no glory in being broke. Take it from us, (just like many in life) we’ve been there before – doesn’t mean we have to keep staying there.

Our lives are the cars that emerge from the lanes we take. We can keep crashing, or we can pull the brakes and start switching lanes.

ADVERTISEMENTS:

Coz chicken nuggests ain’t gonna pay for themselves

I survived circuit breaker and 2020 and all I got were these T-shirts:

3) Make some art

Good artists copy, great artists steal.

We didn’t say that, the late and great Andy Warhol did.

So we literally took a leaf from his book.

Have you visited our humble micro art experiment? At Singaplex, real people do win. We are giving $100 worth of meme merch, details can be found here. 

Perhaps you’ve felt cheated that you’ve made it to the end of this article only to be hustled to partake in another one of Team Singaplex’s feeble attempts at making more coin.

However as Andy Warhol would say again:

Andy Warhol is literally the dude that got shot in the chest and got up again to make more art.

So in light of the train wreck that has been 2020, the kerfuffles both local and international, here’s a series of art prints to celebrate the spectacle of life.

Sometimes you don’t need a maid to take care of your boredom.

You just need to close your eyes, imagine good things and create some art.  

#Namaste