Unspoken Truths and Realities of Being A Singaporean Housewife
Being a housewife and mother is the biggest job in the world- all work, no pay
BY: JERELYN LEE
BREAD LOVER
Images provided my Mdm Ho
Behind every family, stands a mother who is driven, loving and has made more sacrifices for their children than what we give them credit for. A pillar of strength and support, today, while many Singaporean households consist of a working mum, a small percentage of them still choose to leave the workforce and become full-time housewives and stay-at-home mothers.
Singaplex seeks to understand why some women choose to embrace this lifestyle, and it is not as glamorous as being a tai tai. Taking the brunt of house chores and their family’s welfare into their very own hands, from cooking to cleaning and looking after their children, I speak to Singaporean full-time housewife, Mdm Ho, who has been caring for her family of three, for the past 22 years and the realities behind it.
Introduce yourself please!
Hi, I’m Mdm Ho and I’m a full-time housewife.
What was the decision behind turning into a full-time housewife?
I made the decision because I wanted to give the attention and the best for my daughter. My elderly parents couldn’t help out and I was not comfortable seeking outsourced help.
Was it difficult letting go of your working career, and embracing a new identity as a full-time housewife?
There is a disposition and strong mindset required for a woman to steer away from the workforce, let go of their career and just focus on looking after their family’s welfare. For me, yes, it was definitely tough. Being a housewife means having no salary, and having to depend on my husband, the sole breadwinner of the family. But I love my daughter, and I wanted to give her the best, even if it meant having to embrace a new role as a housewife alongside being a mother.
Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash
What were some initial struggles you faced?
Sleepless nights. I had to give full attention to my daughter who was still a newborn baby then. It was a real struggle. There was also a constant worry then, that should anyone get a flu, our whole family will get it since we’re in close contact.
Another struggle I faced when my daughter was growing up, was how hyper she was. She was very active, and I thought she had ADHD with how she kept crying and didn’t sit still. Looking after her at that point got me very sensitive and ‘temperamental’. I underwent a period of baby blues and had postnatal depression. I was very overwhelmed but with the support of my loving husband, we managed to get through that initial struggle and hurdle.
What are some challenges you face in being a full-time housewife up to date?
Addressing it- It’s not all sunshine and roses
As for challenges, I would say that the longer you stay being a housewife, it gets tougher to join back in the working world, when you’re out of touch (skills wise).
Personally, I have become so focused on the role of being a housewife that I have become very particular about cleanliness (not to the extent of OCD) but I have definitely developed a fear of eraser dust on the floor.
Is there a prejudice or stigma when it comes to being a housewife?
There seems to be a misunderstanding and some form of prejudice held against stay home mums and full-time housewives. Some are quick to label us as tai tais. I think people don’t understand what it’s like actually being a housewife and having to take care of the family and children. It’s a 24/7 job, and you don’t get the luxury to really take a break and time off being a mother and housewife.
As a full-time housewife who takes on the duty of household chores, manages the family’s welfare and cares for a child, the role in my family is not one that can be simply outsourced and it shouldn’t be undermined.
Could you share how your daily outlook as a housewife goes by?
Cooking three meals, cleaning three rooms, looking after a family of three.
I usually wake up early, wash the balcony, water the plants, sweep the floor and take charge of food preparations- breakfast, lunch and dinner. Essentially, my day revolves around day to day household chores. Thoughts wise, I’m always thinking about what we are going to have for breakfast, lunch, dinner. Sometimes I just don’t know what to cook, and it can be difficult since I have a small family.
Of course, it’s always nice to take some time to meditate, work on my beading hobby and end the day with a few episodes of K-drama with my family.
Mdm Ho’s hobby- beading
Have you considered re-entering the workforce?
Frankly speaking, financially, my family is doing quite okay. My husband travels so it’s preferred to have someone at home. I have, however, been taking up short courses to keep up and finding hobbies in the arts like beading.
Words of advice for women entering motherhood + a word of encouragement to fellow housewives
Being a mother and making the decision to be a housewife is quite challenging and daunting, but it is also very fulfilling. I did it out of pure love, and getting to watch my daughter grow up every step of the way has been a blessing. My relationship with my husband and daughter is also very close. We are a tight knit, bonded family.
If you encounter any hardships and problems in rearing your children, it’s always good to have clear communication with your partner. Have a talk with your spouse and talk to your grandparents, because they have experience. Never take it all upon yourself. Fighting!
Afterword
A pillar of strength and support, behind every family stands a mother who is driven, loving and has made more sacrifices for their children than what we give them credit for. Regardless of whether they hold on to full time/part time jobs, or have put a halt to their careers to focus on their family and take on the role of being a full time housewife, being a mother at the end of the day, is in essence, not just a 24/7 job, but an act of love.
For housewives and stay at home mums, thank you for the selfless love- putting up with household chores and caring for the family. To the world, you are a mother, but to the family, you are the world.
JERELYN LEE | BREAD LOVER
Jerelyn Lee is an aspiring content creator, who is passionate about the Arts. An enthusiast in writing, drawing, photography and music, she is keen to capture and share moments, memories and life experiences.
While she is shy in nature, she is more than happy to talk about books, art, anime, music and the joys (woes, and lessons) in life.
